it must hurt…?

i told a very good friend of mine, a friend for over ten years now, about the recent dramatic (or i suppose not so dramatic) moments of my life…

she couldn’t believe i was feeling so well about it…

‘kansas, i know you are mature and you understood the whole situation…but it still has to hurt a little.’

‘yeah, i guess it hurts a little – but i am feeling okay about it’

her surprise surprised me – am i supposed to be feeling more than i am?

am i cold inside?

i don’t pretend like i don’t ache a bit when i see him…i know the small amount of regret in my heart…but, generally, i am feeling okay about it.

am i callous?

i have been through ons and offs so many times in my life – this is just another peak and valley – and i suppose i know there is another just around that bend in the road.

am i going about life in the wrong way?

or maybe i enjoy the hurt and the loss? it makes sense to me. it is what i know.

i looked back at this post and remembered things – but i am glad i at least felt them for a few minutes – it makes me know i am alive.

it is not the ’solid cold thing i have felt in my chest’ this time – it is more like an ice cube that melts and refreezes.

‘love is fleeting but resistance is futile’

~ by kansas on February 28, 2008.