•August 4, 2008 •
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blogging proves to be therapeutic. over and over. most of that therapy is tied up in my sense of anonymity.
i want my writing is exist in a vacuum. where no one is tainted by what they know about me. much like i feel about monmouth and the provocateur. the glimpses i get into their lives do not produce a mental image or warrant a knowledge of their dramas. it merely evokes an emotion of emotion.
their distilled words convey only the necessary details to get the reader into the mood. i always imagine it happening in a nondescript apartment, away from the reality of life.
perhaps that is just my fantasy. i want my sex life to live that way. in a vacuum. existing only for me and the person i am fucking.
now, i am grown. i have learned to cope. i have realized that real life has to spill in at some point. but that doesn’t mean that i am not constantly on the run, protecting my privacy.
it is not that i mind people knowing what i do - obviously, i write about it on the internet - it is more that sex creates such intense emotions in everyone. present or not.
i don’t like other’s emotions tainting my lovely affairs. but, alas, we can not have it all.
Posted in bits of me, blog
•August 3, 2008 •
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it just started raining. which means i’m not going anywhere.
the past few days have proved quite lucrative in the cherry popping business. well, it isn’t much of a business.
it is more than wonderful to push past your walls and gates, and watch others do it too.
i can’t explain to you the relief of the cool air seeping in from the rain. it is taking the edge off of my backache.
i also learned that it is better to be smart, honest, and connected emotionally than rich. i mean, i already knew that, but life seems to reinforce it over and over.
ethan has left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, which has been sweetened once again. by someone else.
i might even feel the my heart melting a bit. this is no one i could possess, much like my dear adam, but merely revel in when life affords me the luxury.
i feel lucky.
Posted in bits of me, ethan, melted heart
•July 31, 2008 •
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i lay here. a bit of insomnia.
i don’t know why. maybe the strange bed.
tonight i made a comment about being single, and my friend retorted with ‘when have you not been single?’
though he has not been the kind of friend that knows the ins and outs of my highways to lust, he knows me well enough to be incredibly perceptive.
‘well…’ i said, thinking. i began to explain my love life. and resorted to a defeated ‘yeah, you are pretty much right.’ because even if i had a person i called a partner they never really were mine and i definitely never gave myself to them.
he gave a bit of a start and replied ‘well, i don’t mean to offend. i just always thought you were too hardcore for a boyfriend.’
Posted in bits of me, friend
•July 30, 2008 •
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‘i’ve never let anyone tie me up before.’ he proudly admitted to me.
the night before i gently placed his wrists in my leather straps. (thanks again lila) i took it easy on him. sweetly kissing him, making him feel comfortable to give it up.
the next week he wanted to fuck me. ‘you have to tie me up.’
a look of confusion washed over him a bit. he didn’t know what to do.
i led him to my drawer of toys. ‘your choice.’
he picked the handcuffs - a simple mechanism for the beginner. but he still looked confused.
‘what…what do i do?’
i reassured him that he is a smart man, and if he did anything wrong i would correct him.
he licked me and fucked me five different ways. while i played it coy.
boy, it is nice to give up control.
Posted in between my legs, ethan, sex, tied up